


we are not young (we never were)

by allisonarrgent (feignedgrace)



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, I'm always in pain over these two, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Spoilers, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 05:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feignedgrace/pseuds/allisonarrgent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take me to the place where it won't hurt anymore. Take me there, and I promise you we will still burn the world to the ground, because that's what we were meant to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we are not young (we never were)

i'll carry your world  
and all your hurt  
 _atlas ––coldplay_  


* * *

At the beginning, I know who we are and where we're going. I know there's a word for this pain, the specific kind that cuts away at my insides –  _insanity_ – but I don't know why you left me and I think I've forgotten where I'm going and what I'm doing here. I don't know who I am, let alone who I am without you. I don't understand why it had to turn out this way –  _the consequences of war, the price of rebellion_  – so all I can imagine myself saying if I see you again is  _Take me to the place where it won't hurt anymore_. Take me there, and I promise you we will still burn the world to the ground, because that's what we were meant to do. There is nothing else, as we are nothing but old souls fighting for each breath to not be our last breath, running to stay alive to further a cause we never would have committed to when we were young. But we are not young, and we never were.

* * *

At the end, I beg  _Please don't forget that you promised if anything happened to me, you would take care of Annie_. If I had been aware of how things were going to turn out, I would laugh, possibly joke about my son and your daughter falling in love and being happy one day. At least they now live in a world where they realistically could, and it's all because of you – not because of me, because I gave up too soon and too easily, but because of you consistently refusing to give up or let go. I'm positive you'll never let go, and it's going to kill you slowly, so I wish that I had held your hand at some point and told you to stop blaming yourself –  _none of it was your fault, most of it was inevitable_  – except I didn't, and now I recognize what regrets truly are. I remember when we could have been more than what we were, all the instances when you looked me in the eye and stated,  _I trust you_  even though you didn't, and when I close my eyes for the last time, all that is left of us is a lie. I shake my head, smile slightly as I do it –  _I care about you_ , a truth gone unsaid but one I long to believe you've never forgotten – and watch the world slip away. It still hurts. The memory of the flames is enough to cause me pain, but I rejoice in the knowledge that it's impossible you won't follow through on what we started. Our story was a war we never could have won, and yet I make it through knowing that when you're done, the world we were forced to grow up in will be reduced to nothing but ashes and dust.

* * *

In the middle, there's a girl with bright eyes that eventually lose their light, who turns frail because she's been left with no other choice. She is who I'm willing to sacrifice my own life for. I fight for her because I need to, because she deserves it. I fight for her because I think she's all I've got to fight for. Then comes crashing in a girl who radiates like the sun, who becomes the  _you_  in the  _you and I_  that can fit together in a sentence, can work together in a revolution, but could not appear together on the same page of a conclusion to a tale no one ever wants to hear because there's no  _us_  involved in it. She represents what I'm willing to die for. I fight for her because I want to, because I believe in tomorrow. I fight for her because she's the only fire in which I can bestow the remnants of my minimal hope. She shows me what I've inherently known but failed to admit – there's always another choice.


End file.
